Posted in GOD'S BAE, HOME, P.I.M.P
on Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Bonjour my darling Wonders!

I launched this blog last week and had one post up. Click here if somehow you missed it. Anyways…the plan was to drop another compelling super funny post a few days after, but for my village people. #SuperstitiousDuchess

So to the topic at hand, this is rather an emotional one for me. (The funny post will come someday, eh).

Last week, I travelled outta town to spend q-time with God. Yeah, yeah. And I bumped into an elderly super sweet “sister” of mine. She came to seek God’s face too on her issues. Sha, we got talking and I told her about my childhood experiences and a bit of how I was abused by someone who should have been protecting me instead.

A bit of the gist:

My family moved into the other side of town, I already wasn’t chummy with my dad and so looked forward to making friends. T-Boy lived near us. His parents & mine were great buddies. Veryyyy funny dude, he knew the “right” movies, jokes, comics, novels, people, you name it! I was abused by him. I say so because he was much older, knew better and I had just finished primary school, still super young and emotionally vunerable. (Will do more posts on my ordeal from time to time.)

He knew he had my full attention and used that power at will. I wasn’t chummy with my siblings so who I wan follow gist apart from him. And I craved for attention which I wasn’t getting from Pops. Do you have kids or plan to? Try read about kids’ love languages. Kids need more love than you can imagine. Girls need it from dads too. You know this I bet.

Fast forward to many years later, we moved away. He moved too. He got married, doing well. I went to the university, saw “life”. Then the hatred began. I hated myself for being so gullible, foolish, needy, etc. I hated him more. Becoming a Christian meant I had to let go so I could be free too. It’s even harder when the one who hurt you has no idea of the pain he/she had caused. So I forgave him. And me. But the wound abi scar left me withdrawn, forever moody etc. Back then, I could be moody for the world!

Moody 2

Now back to my church sis, she asked if I had forgiven him. I said yes, confidently sef. I had tears streaming down my face as we talked. And the next thing I hear is…then pray for him.


WTH???? Pray for whoooooo?! At that point, I shook my head so much muttering “never!”.

And then it occurred to me, I really REALLY hadn’t let go of the anger. So now, I define forgiveness as an ongoing/repeated process of letting go of the pain & person whenever memories pop up. You let go today, the same flashback thought comes in two months’ time, anger begins to rise. Then you gotta reassure yourself you have let go and intend it to be that way.

For the Christians, we ask the Holy Spirit to help us and use the Word of God to push down such thoughts when they come. E no easy oh. But then it is achievable. After all, Ecclesiastics 7:9 says “control your temper, for anger labels you a fool”. There!

Best way to forgive? Pray for whoever hurt you. Not vengeance prayer oh. Hian. Pray so God can help that person too. ‘Cos karma is still in town. And then you can truly say you have forgiven him/her. Honestly, bitterness tortures!!! Forgiveness refreshes. Been there.

Happy 2

Might I add that anytime I pray for T-boy, I cry, I sing, I’m enraged by my own stupidity, enraged at him…but something beautiful happens. Peace like a river flows into me. I end up blessing him, praying for his wife & their unborn kids. It can only be God. In my opinion. (We aren’t friends, but he ain’t my enemy…anymore). :)

P.S His name and description of certain locations have been changed. Before FBI village people start again. :p

So share with me/us. How did you forgive someone who hurt you? What more can/should one do?

Thanks for reading!!! Do have a profitable week ahead. Mwah!



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  • Reply Abeni

    hmmm, quite insightful and touching *sob* Truly,the easiest way to happiness sometimes is sincere forgiveness. Been pondering over this in my mind for a while too but I haven’t had the courage to even write about it because I still have some needful things to do. Reading your post is just another reminder.

    Tuesday, June 16, 2015 at 8:22 PM
    • Reply EbonyDuchess

      Thanks hun! Please do the needful oh. :) Bitterness just attracts more ugly wrinkles jare. Don’t need ’em on my face/heart.

      Friday, June 19, 2015 at 5:25 PM
  • Reply Rali

    Hello Duchess…true like you said,forgiveness is an ongoing process. For me, whether or not a person asks’s for forgivness I make up my mind to. Its easier for me and I make sure I don’t think of it. I have nothing to lose if I forgive, so I just let it go.

    Thursday, June 18, 2015 at 11:58 PM
    • Reply EbonyDuchess

      Thanks Rali. Wise you! Tis’ called advance forgiveness…I think. Lesser hassle. :)

      Friday, June 19, 2015 at 5:27 PM
  • Reply Adufe

    Thanks for sharing ED. Forgiveness always wins!

    Sunday, June 21, 2015 at 6:59 PM
  • Reply hrh7

    I have read this post about 6 times. I’m just commenting now, please forgive me.
    It took me a long time to but I finally say prayers regularly for those who hurt me. Being a child victim of sexual assault, the thought of marrying someone who will create other victims petrified and still petrifies me. It’s difficult but I keep praying that they come to their senses. I haven’t gotten to the part where I can comfortably pray that they get that contract or don’t fail in business butvim slowly inching there.
    Thank you for this post Wonderful Duchess. Thank you.

    Saturday, February 6, 2016 at 1:22 AM
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